JOHN BOEHNER FOR PRESIDENT

When we think of the Dems, we of course think of Barack Obama. He is their symbol. And when the Repubs were prematurely gloating about how healthcare would be his Waterloo, how he was Jimmy Carter all over again, how he would be a one-termer, they inadvertently pushed the Congress into passing the bill because the Dem majority had to save Obama's prospects in order to save its own.

But if Obama is the Dems' face, whose face should it be that adorns the Repubs' standard? I imagine they would prefer that we forget Dubya. And Cheney frightens little children. Who, then?

It could be the visage of a prom king or prom queen. (When you have nothing going for you, try looking extra good.)

There is square-jawed Mitt Romney, for one. And as my old friend George Ball observed, "Romney has a kind of glossy insincerity that some Republicans like." And there are Scott Brown and Sarah Palin, both fit to be prom royalty. And there is John Ensign, another handsome fellow - but forget that.

However, there is no reason to choose some one of them over the others. And those types, the pretty folk, come and go.

For the enduring mug of the GOP, I propose that of House minority leader John Boehner of Ohio. It may be that nobody would want him for prom king, but he personifies those who in generation after generation have done the party's work - propounded the unreason, pushed the members into conformity, pulled in the corporate world's self-interested contributions.

John Boehner, then. All right, all right, I admit he's a chain-smoking nihilist. But be fair: nobody's perfect. True, he may be no help if you want health insurance or a responsive government. But nobody doubts he was born in this country. Yes, he's thoroughly unwholesome. But there's this to be said in his defense: with him what you see is what you get. He's authentic, even a kind of existential hero: call him the Boehner of our existence.

The Republicans should have the courage to put aside glamor and pretense and run a presidential candidate who's really them in all their dreariness. That is Boehner. And if they give him Mitch McConnell for a runningmate, so much the better.

They may as well just do it, because they aren't going to win anyway.